What if no one's watching...?

What if no one was watching you? What if you never got criticism or compliments? What if it truly was just you and God and no opinions, advice, or expectation? Would you still do what you do everyday? What if there were no friends to stop in and say hi, no places to go to that you needed to look a certain way, no family to lend a helping hand or to give you the push you need? What is our true reason for living OUR lives the way we do?

Compassion seems to be lacking...a warm embrace is hard to find. Would we still be willing to offer compassion and warm embrace? Or do we become cold towards others, because they are cold to us? How far are we willing to go to break the cycle of this ever changing world and its lack of LOVE for each other? Do we wait for a tragedy to lend a helping hand or do we see the tears and distress and lend our shoulder to ease the woe of a tired soul?

My spirit feels broken and beaten down...my heart aches from the negativity of others around me. I weep from exhaustion of never being what others expect me to be,never quite good enough...

However, I am the happiest I have ever been! I have never been so confident in my relationship with my God. I have never felt so whole in a relationship, like I do with my husband and the faith he has in our God. I have never felt more love from anyone, than I do from my son. I have a growing soul in my body, who I will soon see...and I truly can say that I am complete.

So, here I go again. One day at a time...trying not to hear what others are saying or worry what they might think if I do what I feel I need to do. I will be the pillar for the weak to lean on, I will be the hearer of those who need to speak, I will be the hand that wipes the tears of those in despair, and I will be the love that others need to feel! I will break down, but I will always be built back up....and this I swear, I will never give up!

Faith?

What is your first reaction when a dear loved one wrongs you or makes a mistake that really only hurts themselves? Do our own personal life experiences, shape and mold the way we react or can we choose to change our thinking based on something else? It makes me sad, how quick people can lose their Faith, because they feel someone they care about is doing something "stupid", when really they are only hurting themselves. I'm not sure if it's because I'm a mom, or that I personally have made MANY mistakes, or if it's my spirituality but I only FEEL for my friends who go through hard times and make wrong decisions. If we slander them or get angry and lose faith in them as people when they mess up, how can we truly accept them back when they realise what they've done and come back asking for help? The prodigal son comes to mind and how the brothers of this man hated him for the wrong he had done and didn't think their father should welcome him back, but the father saw the remorse in his heart and welcomed him back. Not to say that this is an easy way to naturally think, especially when we feel wronged or hurt...but how would we want to be treated if we were in their situation? Would we not want the DIGNITY to have a change of heart and have our loyal friends there waiting for our return? Maybe some cant grasp this, because they have never had to go through it...but can that really be an excuse for everything? Must we mess up in life to understand redemption, or can we use our deep love for others to drive our ability to understand to live and let live? How can we expect the ransom to cover our sins, but not the sins of others?

Six Months Pregnant

Ok, so where to start? I am probably in my last pregnancy in this system of things. I have been very calm and happy for most of this pregnancy and I've really tried to be present with each day. Although I have been very sensitive to others opinions (which isn't like me at all) I am now coming out of that phase and entering the last stretch of my 2ND trimester. I am so excited to meet my second son, Jude! I can't imagine loving anyone more than my son Austin, since we've had 8 years together...but I know I will love Jude in a different and special way. My men! There's something reassuring about having all of these men in my life. Austin is already so compassionate and giving like his father, I know he'll be an amazing father and husband some day! I am so excited to see how Jude's personality turns out to be like. I also feel that I'm entering a time in my life, where I am no longer the young adult around the older mother figures I've always had in my life.As I approach thirty this year, I feel I am now a peer...wither they see as me as that, is a different story. However, now that I am a mom, a wife and a successful home school teacher...I now see things differently. I am no longer intimidated by their experiences or by their critiques...instead, I take into consideration their thoughts and advice, and go about my day. I am happy with who I am and how my husband and I have our lives. I think only the "insecure" are critical about the way others do things. So instead of being offended, I try to look for any good in peoples comments and focus on our reality. It's really a vindicating feeling to have that thought. I love these older ones and sincerely welcome advice, as long as it is "seasoned with salt" and offered in a kind and loving way. Don't we all want and deserve that dignity? So as I wrap up the home school year, and prepare the house for Jude's arrival, I ponder on our life and how it is about to change. I'm focusing on being a supportive wife to my husband and surrendering to things I cannot do in a balanced way. I'll let the house be a mess, if it means spending time with Austin in the last few months we have alone together. It's the calm before the storm...but I'll welcome the rain :)